Something really upsetting happened to me last Friday.
One of my business mentors that I (used to) respect and admire, very publicly called me a loser.
I won’t go into full details.
Enough to say he took words I’d written privately to him in an email and twisted them out of their original context, just to suit his purpose.
And his purpose was?
To highlight the difference between a winners and a losers mindset in business.
I hate to admit, but I allowed it to really upset me at the time.
Once the dust had settled a bit, I used the following 8 steps to get back on track.
And if you’re ever hurt or upset by what someone says or writes about you in public, or if life is getting you down, you should give them a shot.
Just remember, healing takes time. Don’t expect to get everything done all at once.
Healing is a process, not an event.
Here are the steps I took:
1) You Feel What You Feel – Beating yourself up for feeling upset, because you think you shouldn’t be feeling upset, hurt or frustrated by what happens, only makes your situation worse. So be okay with whatever it is you’re feeling.
2) Speak With Somebody Else – As quickly as you can. This helps you to gain perspective, a different view on the event and confirmation that what happened sucked.
3) Feed Your Inner Super Hero – You choose. Wonder Woman or Super Man. Don’t think about it, do it. It’s the best 2 minutes you’ll spend today. See this post I wrote last week for details if you din’t know what I’m talking about.
4) Go For A Walk – This is no time to stew in your juices Grasshopper! Physically moving when in a highly emotional state really helps to take the edge off that cocktail of stress hormones pumping through your veins.
5) Make A List – List 20 reasons why you’re not what that person said you are.
6) Take Time Out – Don’t waste your precious time trying to get even. I’ve PLENTY of past experience striking back and not only have I found it to be a complete waste of time. But it usually drags the situation out and just makes things even worse.
Now if you have to respond try to wait at least 24 hours before doing so.
And if you’re really upset, wait 48 hours or more. That rush your feeling right now probably isn’t real.
7) Take Responsibility For Your Part In This – What? No I haven’t lost my marbles.
What I mean is look at the part you played in what happened and take responsibility for it. In my case I shouldn’t have been overly nice when cancelling my subscription, I should have just been straight to the point. Then my words couldn’t have been used against me.
What happened to you could actually turn out to be a great learning experience.
8) This Too Shall Pass – Remember the film: “Finding Nemo“?
In it a fish called Dory with a short attention span is helping Nemo’s dad – Marlin – to find Nemo.
After narrowly escaping being squished by a wrecked submarine, Dory drops an important clue to Nemo’s where-a-bouts.
Marlin freaks out and Dory responds with her classic lines:
Dory: “Hey Mr Grumpy Gills. When life gets you down, you know what you gotta do?”
Marlin: “I don’t want to know what you gotta do.”
Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”
I know, I feel you. This thing that’s happened to you feels personal, permanent and all pervasive – right now. But this too shall pass. I promise you.
And if you can keep moving forwards, even if it’s only by dragging yourself by your finger nails, you will get through this.
For 29 simple and powerful tools to help you keep swimming through life, in spite of what it chucks at you check out my book:
Tools only work if you use them.